Perrysodes: Cheers For Fears Transcript

<Perrysodes: Cheers For Fears



(Cut to Agent P's lair. Agent P drops into his chair.)

Major Monogram: Hey, there, Agent P! Well, it's Horrific Movie Night at my house where a bunch of agency guys get together and make fun of ridiculously bad movies.

Carl: He's always the guy shushing everybody.

Major Monogram: Well, there's a time for fun and a time to pay attention.

Carl: Pfft.

Major Monogram: Anyway, Agent P, when we went to rent tonight's horrific horror classic, Night of the Living Torso, it was already gone. In fact, all the movies within the horror genre throughout Danville have been checked out, which is definitely a bummer, and could possibly be evil. Go check on Doof and see if he's bogarting those movies...uh, before 6:30 if possible. (Agent P raises his arms up, and a pair of mechanical arms give him his jet pack. He blasts off.)

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪

(Cut to inside. Perry once again breaks down the door and, as usual, gets trapped by a rope. He hangs upside down from it. Cut to Doof watching a woman screaming on his TV surrounded by hundreds of DVDs.)

Doofenshmirtz: (sighs, pauses the movie) Isn't that always the way? Right at the exciting part, that's when the doorbell rings...or, y'know, a platypus breaks it down. Anyway, behold the Worst-Fear-inator! Now, in my never-ending pursuit of domination, I discovered that the best evil rulers used fear to keep people in line. So to get into the right headspace, I did what any logical evil scientist would do: rented all the scary movies in Danville for research. Even the lousy ones likeDead Batteries.

(Flashback of Doof watching the movies.)

Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) Once I was terrified, I was able to analyze the fear-based synapses of the brain and extrapolate some wonderful data!(End flashback.)

Doofenshmirtz: Basically, I shoot someone with the machine, and whatever they are afraid of actually appears...in real life! Whadaya say, Perry the Platypus? Ya like being a guinea pig? Actually, you'd look kinda cute as a guinea pig. I mean, I wonder if you'd be teal. I bet you would. I bet you'd be a cute little teal guinea pig. Something to think about for the future. Anyway, Perry the Platypus, let's fire this baby up and see what scares you. (He presses the button activating the inator.) 'Cause, y'know, it's gonna materialize right over there. (A green beam hits Perry.) Alright, so what are you afraid of, where is it? (looks around) What the hay? Nothing? (A business card slips through the ropes. Doof takes the card and reads it.) "Perry the Platypus: O.W.C.A. agent - Fearless." Huh. That figures. I guess you'll just hafta...hang around! Ha ha ha! Oh, wait, this one's better: I'll just leave you here because you're all tied up! Ha ha ha!

Doofenshmirtz: Get ready, Perry the Platypus! The Tri-State Area's about to confront its fears! (Evil laughter from Doof. Another business card with mechanical arms and legs slips through the rope and crawls up to Perry's tail. A laser beam shoots through the robot and burns the rope down, freeing Perry. He kicks Doof.)Aaah! Ow ow! I landed on my jawbone, right under that weird...sticky-outy part under your ear! And my jawbone landed on the remote. Ah, Doof. (The inator activates and shoots Doof.) Okay, nothing bad will happen as long as I don't think about anything scary or... (A pounding on the door is heard.) Oh no! I couldn't help it, it just popped in there! It can't be! (The door breaks down revealing evil vending machine robots.)Vending machines are taking over! I said it could happen! No! Stay back! Stay back! Back! Flee! Flee! (Doof attempts to escape, but the vending machines grab hold of him.) No no no no! I'm not really hungry! Really!(Stutters) No no, not the tiny vanilla cookies! How long have those been in there?! (The machines force feed Doof a packet of vanilla cookies.)

(Perry is walking out leaving Doof with his fear.)

Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) No! No! Not that! Anything but the fake red licorice! It tastes like... (Doof grunts. Perry stops walking and figures he has to save Doof.) No! What possessed me to make such a horrifying inator?! (Perry jumps on the DVDs and hops onto the inator aiming it. He lands on the floor and hits the remote. The inator hits the vending machines. A giant nickel rolls by and the machines run for their lives.) Well, I guess now we know what scares vending machines.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you're back! (walking up to the inator) I am never setting that puppy off again. (He presses a button, and, as usual, the inator activates and aims across town.) Oops.

Doofenshmirtz: Oops. I really meant to hit the self-destruct button. I'll just get this for you. (KABOOM!!!!!!!) So, uh, you need your parking validated or, uh... Oh, oh, you found a spot on the street! Huh! Lucky you! Curse you, Perry the Platypus and all that! You know.